Forcing a Shift in Thinking

Yesterday I had a life shift. Something that makes you reassess where you are and where you are going. It was unplanned and unexpected. Aren't all life shifts that way? I received my copy of the UU World in the mail on Saturday and didn't look at it until Sunday. Stapled to the cover was a form letter from Chris Walton, editor of the magazine for our church denomination. It said that I was no longer a member of a congregation and would I like to reestablish membership or would I like to just retain my subscription to the magazine.

This was news to me.

I've been a Unitarian for 43 years. My parents were members of the Channing Society and then helped found the Anaheim Unitarian and Fullerton Unitarian church. At 13 I was dedicated into the church by our minister, I have served regionaly and locally, I have taught years of youth and adult religious education, and I raised my daughter as a Unitarian. It is, clearly, part of my identity.

I haven't attended our local church, although I moved to our small town specifically because they had a UU church, for over 3 years. After multiple bad experiences I really needed to take a break from the format, the lay leadership, and reclaim my Sundays for something else. Our church has no paid leadership and my expectations of volunteers was too great. They are good people, but they are not ministers. They also have no desire to retain a minister.

I suppose my lack of attendance made them think I was no longer interested in their offering. Not true, but they would not know that and they did not reach out to ask. They had no idea that I read the newsletter, keep up on Facebook and still administer their email group.

They also did not know that I have retained membership in the UUA for 43 years and they decided, not I, to sever that link without asking me first. At first I was angry. When we make decisions for others without communicating with them we are assuming an awful lot. 

Then my husband said something that was extremely liberating. He said that you can leave a church when it no longer fits your needs.

Really leave it.

I was raised a Unitarian. A secular humanist Unitarian. It is who I am, but maybe the UUA isn't that anymore. In fact, they aren't that anymore. The last president of the UUA, Sinkford, was quite clear that he wanted to reintroduce religious language back into the church experience for UU's. A move that I tolerated, but only through gritted teeth. To me it was bringing religion lite into our congregations to appease the many new members who come from other faith based locations needing to retain some kind of familiar comfort from their past instead of embracing the strength in the Unitarian Universalist ideals. 

And that is the path that is continuing. I get it. I also get that the rise of atheists in modern culture are a strong presence in daily dialogue outside of the UUA. They are shining brightly outside of what would seem their natural home. So as the UUA is morphing into a pseudo religious worship center similar to Unity the atheists are having national and international conversations. 

My own path is evolving and maybe, like my husband says, I can leave. Really leave. Right now I'm not sure what I am going to do, but I am opening myself up to the possibilities. I am allowing my thinking to shift.

Comments

[John A Arkansawyer]

For what it's worth, I heard last night from Brian that they're looking into a part-time minister to be shared with the emerging congregation over in Benton County. I also get the pressure to take people off the books, since the congregation pays a fee (around $80 bucks a head) to the UUA and the district for each member. (There's an experiment in our district for changing that system, by the way.) It is kind of bad form to drop you without a letter, though.

I wonder about terminology, though. There are two different axes I can measure humanism on: Theistic to non-theistic humanism (which is more about belief) and secular to religious humanism (which is about more association). I myself would identify as a non-theistic (no belief in gods or the supernatural) religious (seeking meaning through association with a group of fellow humans) humanist (relying on human action to solve human solutions).

I do think there's a tendency away from secular humanism, in the sense of being broadly anti-religious, in the UUA. I hope my fellow non-theistic humanists don't leave due to that.

[Jacqueline]

Thank you for your thoughtful response. We should have coffee, obviously. I am afraid that the point that I entered Unitarianism, the height of the Secular Humanist revolution, is being swept downstream by a desire for spirituality (or when I am being mean, pseudo religion). I just may not have the desire to swim upstream. - Jacqueline

[Jamie]

I've been in the situation (several times in fact) when someone else's actions forced me to rethink my identity or at least my role in life or business. It's frustrating and scary at first, but also very liberating. Best wishes to you!

[Steve Caldwell]

Jacqueline - if your local congregation doesn't suit you and there isn't another UU congregation close by, there is always the CLF option (Church of the Larger Fellowship -- UU church by mail and online for isolated UUs).

http://clf.uua.org/

That's one way to keep the "congregational membership" aspect (and your UU World subscription) without joining a local UU congregation that doesn't suit you.

[Uu-mom]

I'm also a lifelong UU & raised my kids in the church; there aren't enough of us. I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. UUs need to communicate with their members better.

I suppose I could have given up on my church, but they didn't give up on me like that, though I've always pledged something, because I understand what it takes to make a church run. I think it's funny that you were running an email list and they didn't realize it when they dropped your membership - small congregations that think small and act small make a bad name for our religion.

I'm also a humanist, but I understand how our principles align with diversity, including diversity of beliefs. Bill Sinkford just said he wanted to let in more spiritual language - I don't shrivel when I hear the word "God" - it's always been there in our hymnal in many of our songs. God = Nature or Love or Universe.

The UUA is not closed-minded; they posted the link to this blog post in their online UU World. Congratulations, as you decide to leave, you also are becoming the talk of our association. With diversity comes the question of how to grow. How do we welcome new people without changing? Or do we work to keep our current and/or born-UUs. We also, each as UUs, have to decide if UUism is still what is right for us. For me, it definitely is, but life is a journey and you have to find your own way. I hope you'll stick with us in some way, but it's your life. Good luck!

[Nancy Groh]

I hope you decide not to leave. Your local congregation may never be right for you, or it might change at some point. But if all the non-theists leave the national church, and don't keep speaking up, it really will turn into "Christian lite" and that will be a terrible loss for future generations. I've been reading a book, "Religion for Atheists," that describes the benefits that religion offers, both to children and adults, that secular society can't match and doesn't even try. The author's point is that secular society desperately needs these benefits -- just without the "invisible friend" at the center of it. At its best, the UU church does just that, and I'd hate to think future non-theists might have nowhere to go. Having so many different beliefs in one church does make things difficult and messy, but I believe it's worth the struggle.

[Lolly]

Great article is there any chance I can take it and copy it onto my own blog

[Jacqueline]

I appreciate your kind words. - Jacqueline

[Danny Spears]

As an MCC minister with UU ties, may I offer a few thoughts?

First, I'm sorry your local congregation cancelled your membership without first speaking to you. At the church where I pastor (minister), we keep in contact through letters and calls with members and regular attenders who are "MIA."

At the same time, our local polity (which is approved by the local voting membership) indicates we are to inactivate "voting" membership if there has been no visible means of community participation in six months. I always call the person in question first and ask what concerns they might have, if there is anything we can do to provide care for them, etc. If there is no response, then the letter is sent; and then the person has 30 days to respond before the inactivation takes effect. I always emphasize they are welcome to be part of our community; at the same time, to have voice and vote in the affairs of the community, to me it just makes sense that a person be an active participant in the community.

Personally, I would like to get rid of the concept of "membership" altogether. For some reason, to me it sounds more exclusive than inclusive--emphasizing privilege over communal participation and responsibility. Still, decisions have to be made, leaders elected, etc. So I'm not sure how to address reasonable administrative concerns without some type of guidelines.

Finally, I believe your husband has an excellent point about the freedom to leave. There's always a sense of loss in leaving, I know; still, I hope you find a community that closely resonates with your journey.

Thank you for allowing me to share,
Rev. Dr. Danny Spears